Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Culture of Silence
A while ago I went through a phase where all I wanted to read was autobiographies. I read so many but I read a lot of autobiographies of Latinas. I noticed that each of them had the words "silence" or "silent" in their titles.
As Latin women they felt, and I share their feelings, that we are supposed to keep so many secrets. We are supposed to be silent when our husbands go off to other beds, when our uncles touch us, when we see our fathers strike our mothers. Even in the little things we are supposed to be silent. Menstraution cannot be talked about, even as doctors performed unnecessary hysterectomies and sterilizations on us. The culture of silence prevented us from questioning.
Fortunately, I was raised in a time when that is starting to changeand still I feel its weight upon me. Bringing family laundry into the public is frowned upon regardless of culure.
As a writer, I feel it is my responsibility to air my laundry. To lay myself out to exposure so that others will know they are not alone. There are other people who have been depressed, have been suicidal, have locked themselves in bathrooms AND who have somehow manage to get themselves to a better place.
I notice a lot of anger. Anger at the fact that, when a Latina does make it the people who shoved them down are quick to jump up and grab credit. To those people I want to say, if by helping me become a writer, you mean you stifled my voice, then yes you helped me become a writer. I couldn't bring myself to say things to your face so I filled journals. I've heard a lot of writers say that they picked up a pen, so that they wouldn't pick up a razor. I definitely fit into that category.
I do not want silence or silent or mute to be anywhere near my book title. I would rather sin verguenza. I am without shame. I did not cause the wrongs in my life and I will not be ashamed of the people who wronged me, of the people who wronged my mother and my grandmother and my aunts and my friends and my sisters.
Soy la sin verguenza, because I will not be ashamed of airing my laundry in order to help people get out from under theirs.
A while ago I went through a phase where all I wanted to read was autobiographies. I read so many but I read a lot of autobiographies of Latinas. I noticed that each of them had the words "silence" or "silent" in their titles.
As Latin women they felt, and I share their feelings, that we are supposed to keep so many secrets. We are supposed to be silent when our husbands go off to other beds, when our uncles touch us, when we see our fathers strike our mothers. Even in the little things we are supposed to be silent. Menstraution cannot be talked about, even as doctors performed unnecessary hysterectomies and sterilizations on us. The culture of silence prevented us from questioning.
Fortunately, I was raised in a time when that is starting to changeand still I feel its weight upon me. Bringing family laundry into the public is frowned upon regardless of culure.
As a writer, I feel it is my responsibility to air my laundry. To lay myself out to exposure so that others will know they are not alone. There are other people who have been depressed, have been suicidal, have locked themselves in bathrooms AND who have somehow manage to get themselves to a better place.
I notice a lot of anger. Anger at the fact that, when a Latina does make it the people who shoved them down are quick to jump up and grab credit. To those people I want to say, if by helping me become a writer, you mean you stifled my voice, then yes you helped me become a writer. I couldn't bring myself to say things to your face so I filled journals. I've heard a lot of writers say that they picked up a pen, so that they wouldn't pick up a razor. I definitely fit into that category.
I do not want silence or silent or mute to be anywhere near my book title. I would rather sin verguenza. I am without shame. I did not cause the wrongs in my life and I will not be ashamed of the people who wronged me, of the people who wronged my mother and my grandmother and my aunts and my friends and my sisters.
Soy la sin verguenza, because I will not be ashamed of airing my laundry in order to help people get out from under theirs.
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