Thursday, May 13, 2004
Grr
If you know me you know that I work very hard to keep my life peaceful. I like order, even in my randomness. I may decide at a drop of a hat to blow off everything to go to Coney Island, but it is very important to me that that decision is mine. I work hard to support myself and accept help from very few people. It is just how my life has made me.
Now, I can deal with love, anger, loneliness, giddiness and almost everything in between. BUT because of how I am there is one emotion I cannot deal with. Confusion.
Right now I am utterly confused. So confused that if I was a wall my paint would be peeling off. Flakes of me are drifting in the wind because I don't know what I want and I seriuosly hate that. I thought I knew what I wanted but in this situation, I don't call all the shots. I realize there are very few situations where you do, but I feel we have more control over things than we think. Except this time. This time, I am confused.
If you know me you know that I work very hard to keep my life peaceful. I like order, even in my randomness. I may decide at a drop of a hat to blow off everything to go to Coney Island, but it is very important to me that that decision is mine. I work hard to support myself and accept help from very few people. It is just how my life has made me.
Now, I can deal with love, anger, loneliness, giddiness and almost everything in between. BUT because of how I am there is one emotion I cannot deal with. Confusion.
Right now I am utterly confused. So confused that if I was a wall my paint would be peeling off. Flakes of me are drifting in the wind because I don't know what I want and I seriuosly hate that. I thought I knew what I wanted but in this situation, I don't call all the shots. I realize there are very few situations where you do, but I feel we have more control over things than we think. Except this time. This time, I am confused.
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