Wednesday, September 08, 2004
On the Intersection Between Nina and Cristina
This weekend I was told that getting to know me is like knowing six different people. There was a while that I felt that the distinction between Nina and Cristina had gotten a little out of hand. I am but one person with a few too many facets, but I think I have finally reconciled that I am two sides of the same coin at all times.
This morning in class my professor said, "You do violence to part of your personality when you go to court." As a lawyer, I am charged with seeing all sides of an issue. As an advocate I have to make "you" think that my side is the best side, the right side. That is a violent act, because to advocate I have to know my "opponents" strongest points and then make it seem as if they are not strong. It is a difficult task and while it sometimes takes all of the artist in me, I can see the possibility of a day when it will be the least beautiful thing I do. Which is why I plan on always working at small firms. I have the liberty of saying "no" to cases which is something not all of my compatriots will be able to do.
As a lawyer I have to be practical and logical and this doesn't always comport with the poetic aspects of myself. As O.B. has said, I lose adjective and adverbs, want just the facts with no bullshit. When I am in serious mode it is sometimes hard to shake myself back to reality. Serious mode is not reality.
One of my first blog post was titled "Dancing on a Beach in a Suit". While I will now be dancing solo, the premise is the same. I need a life where I can just lay on grass and look at the sky and I have it. I really do think I have a plan for after I graduate that will allow me to embrace all aspects of self without sacrificing part of me.
I never type my full first name on my blog because I don't want clients to be able to google me and find my blog. But I will always admit what is on my birth certificate to poets. My past sculpts so much of my poetry it would be moronic not to.
Nina Parrilla is the name I chose for myself (actually my sister named me Nina and I am sure I already wrote about that so you have to look for the post). Sometimes my responsibilities feel overwhelming. Someone pointed out to me that my longing for my Somerville apartment was really a longing for a life without responsibility. The cool thing is, I like the responsibilities I have accepted for myself.
My older brother new me for 12 years before I was given the nickname Nina. This past month we went on vacation and several times he used the name and while it was wierd to hear him use it felt right. The other night Eliel introduced me to his cousin as Cristina and while it was weird to hear him say it, it felt wrong. I don't want to be a serious poet.
The poet is in me when I am a lawyer, I try to purge myself of the lawyer when I am a poet. I will acknowledge that she is always there, as I am always both BUT I think what I have learned this past summer is that being a poet-lawyer has made me want to be a more honorable lawyer. I like my hyphen but have decided that I will always be a poet first.
This weekend I was told that getting to know me is like knowing six different people. There was a while that I felt that the distinction between Nina and Cristina had gotten a little out of hand. I am but one person with a few too many facets, but I think I have finally reconciled that I am two sides of the same coin at all times.
This morning in class my professor said, "You do violence to part of your personality when you go to court." As a lawyer, I am charged with seeing all sides of an issue. As an advocate I have to make "you" think that my side is the best side, the right side. That is a violent act, because to advocate I have to know my "opponents" strongest points and then make it seem as if they are not strong. It is a difficult task and while it sometimes takes all of the artist in me, I can see the possibility of a day when it will be the least beautiful thing I do. Which is why I plan on always working at small firms. I have the liberty of saying "no" to cases which is something not all of my compatriots will be able to do.
As a lawyer I have to be practical and logical and this doesn't always comport with the poetic aspects of myself. As O.B. has said, I lose adjective and adverbs, want just the facts with no bullshit. When I am in serious mode it is sometimes hard to shake myself back to reality. Serious mode is not reality.
One of my first blog post was titled "Dancing on a Beach in a Suit". While I will now be dancing solo, the premise is the same. I need a life where I can just lay on grass and look at the sky and I have it. I really do think I have a plan for after I graduate that will allow me to embrace all aspects of self without sacrificing part of me.
I never type my full first name on my blog because I don't want clients to be able to google me and find my blog. But I will always admit what is on my birth certificate to poets. My past sculpts so much of my poetry it would be moronic not to.
Nina Parrilla is the name I chose for myself (actually my sister named me Nina and I am sure I already wrote about that so you have to look for the post). Sometimes my responsibilities feel overwhelming. Someone pointed out to me that my longing for my Somerville apartment was really a longing for a life without responsibility. The cool thing is, I like the responsibilities I have accepted for myself.
My older brother new me for 12 years before I was given the nickname Nina. This past month we went on vacation and several times he used the name and while it was wierd to hear him use it felt right. The other night Eliel introduced me to his cousin as Cristina and while it was weird to hear him say it, it felt wrong. I don't want to be a serious poet.
The poet is in me when I am a lawyer, I try to purge myself of the lawyer when I am a poet. I will acknowledge that she is always there, as I am always both BUT I think what I have learned this past summer is that being a poet-lawyer has made me want to be a more honorable lawyer. I like my hyphen but have decided that I will always be a poet first.
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