Monday, March 28, 2005
When Biology and Brain Conflict (or adventure in Birth Control land part three)
Lately I have been getting lectured about making sure John and I do not have kids until we are ready to give up our alone time. Well, John and I have discussed and we really don't plan on having kids anytime soon. I've never left the country. There are trips to be taken and money to be spent (on us) and I am really not in the proper mental state to sacrifice my wants for someone else's needs.
My brain knows that, but biology is a bitch. Biology says I should've started breeding 10 years ago and now I am in my mid-20s and childless and my hormones sometimes want to know what I've been up to. All this sex and no baby! What's wrong with me?
There have been two adventure in birth control post and this is number three. I like talking about birth control cause no one else does. So here is the latest adventure.
Last year I stopped using the pill and switched to a diaphragm (this was sometime between December and February if you wanna scan for the post). Okay, the diaphragm was like this novelty item for a few weeks but its very real drawbacks soon came into play. 1. I was using it without spermicide so we used withdrawel as well. 2. Putting it in was either quick and easy OR TOOK FOREVER!! There was no in between. You know what the list is longer, from limiting what we could do to other stop. If you want that much detail you have to email me cause I am not broadcasting that for the mildly interested world.
Anywho. The diagphragm got tossed by the wayside. It sits underneaths John's sink, unused. I forgot to bring it back for my annual.
So occasionally my body makes me dream about being pregnant. They are always very lovely dreams that scare the shit out of me when I wake up. Or I dream I have a baby and she is cute and perfect. When I wake up I actually miss her for a few minutes. But I tell her, quite literally, that she has to wait a while.
I've been hearing that most newlyweds want to wait three years after their wedding to have children, which is what John and I want. I have also read, repeatidly, that most fail at it. That biology overwhelms them, they are in a secure relationship and they start self sabotaging. It is purely a subconscious thing. They are very unaware of it.
I don't think John consciously put pins in the draw that house our condoms but it was funny to find them there. The condoms were fine (mostly all happily still in their boxes), but the condoms didn't always get used. Which may be TMI, but a form of birth control was used.
Then I got home. I was supposed to get my period Monday (last Monday). I didn't. By Wednesday I was freaking out. We should have been safer! My brain yelled at me. The panic comes like this first 1. I can't be pregnant, I don't even have a passport!! Really that is how the thought came to my head. I am not ready to give up smoking for ten months, or drinking or dancing my ass and most importantly. I want to be ALONE with John. And then I begged God...please please please I need more time alone with John. And I begged and I begged. I took a pregnancy test thursday night and the results were negative (which for me was a big positive), but I was still panicky till I got my period Saturday.
Because of this whole sucky debacle I went online to try to find a different form of birth control. I thought I was threw with hormones but Brazil, Trinidad, Tobago, Japan and the Phillipines will not be as much fun with a child in tow SO
I go to planned parenthood and I read stuff online and I decide. 1. An IUD still freaks me out. I just can't accept that adhereing plastic and copper to me is good for my body. Plus I could get heavier cramps and my cramps suck as it is. 2. The pluses and the minuses of the pill are such that I may consider going on it again.
3. And three is a whopper. Withdrawel is more effective than being on a diaphragm. NOT as effective, more effective. The caveat is that it has to be between two adults in a steady relationship. I think the reason that we are convinced that it is so awful is that people don't want kids attempting it. Although the window of error is rather large diaphragms have 6 pregnancies per year with perfect use whereas withdrawel has four pregnancies per year with perfect use. Who knew?
Hormones are still the bestest and I am trying to get myself past the IUD ickies (as that would be the easiest) but the moral of the story is;
Don't sabotage yourself, I panic a lot and withdrawel is more effective as birth control than you thought.
Be safe
Lately I have been getting lectured about making sure John and I do not have kids until we are ready to give up our alone time. Well, John and I have discussed and we really don't plan on having kids anytime soon. I've never left the country. There are trips to be taken and money to be spent (on us) and I am really not in the proper mental state to sacrifice my wants for someone else's needs.
My brain knows that, but biology is a bitch. Biology says I should've started breeding 10 years ago and now I am in my mid-20s and childless and my hormones sometimes want to know what I've been up to. All this sex and no baby! What's wrong with me?
There have been two adventure in birth control post and this is number three. I like talking about birth control cause no one else does. So here is the latest adventure.
Last year I stopped using the pill and switched to a diaphragm (this was sometime between December and February if you wanna scan for the post). Okay, the diaphragm was like this novelty item for a few weeks but its very real drawbacks soon came into play. 1. I was using it without spermicide so we used withdrawel as well. 2. Putting it in was either quick and easy OR TOOK FOREVER!! There was no in between. You know what the list is longer, from limiting what we could do to other stop. If you want that much detail you have to email me cause I am not broadcasting that for the mildly interested world.
Anywho. The diagphragm got tossed by the wayside. It sits underneaths John's sink, unused. I forgot to bring it back for my annual.
So occasionally my body makes me dream about being pregnant. They are always very lovely dreams that scare the shit out of me when I wake up. Or I dream I have a baby and she is cute and perfect. When I wake up I actually miss her for a few minutes. But I tell her, quite literally, that she has to wait a while.
I've been hearing that most newlyweds want to wait three years after their wedding to have children, which is what John and I want. I have also read, repeatidly, that most fail at it. That biology overwhelms them, they are in a secure relationship and they start self sabotaging. It is purely a subconscious thing. They are very unaware of it.
I don't think John consciously put pins in the draw that house our condoms but it was funny to find them there. The condoms were fine (mostly all happily still in their boxes), but the condoms didn't always get used. Which may be TMI, but a form of birth control was used.
Then I got home. I was supposed to get my period Monday (last Monday). I didn't. By Wednesday I was freaking out. We should have been safer! My brain yelled at me. The panic comes like this first 1. I can't be pregnant, I don't even have a passport!! Really that is how the thought came to my head. I am not ready to give up smoking for ten months, or drinking or dancing my ass and most importantly. I want to be ALONE with John. And then I begged God...please please please I need more time alone with John. And I begged and I begged. I took a pregnancy test thursday night and the results were negative (which for me was a big positive), but I was still panicky till I got my period Saturday.
Because of this whole sucky debacle I went online to try to find a different form of birth control. I thought I was threw with hormones but Brazil, Trinidad, Tobago, Japan and the Phillipines will not be as much fun with a child in tow SO
I go to planned parenthood and I read stuff online and I decide. 1. An IUD still freaks me out. I just can't accept that adhereing plastic and copper to me is good for my body. Plus I could get heavier cramps and my cramps suck as it is. 2. The pluses and the minuses of the pill are such that I may consider going on it again.
3. And three is a whopper. Withdrawel is more effective than being on a diaphragm. NOT as effective, more effective. The caveat is that it has to be between two adults in a steady relationship. I think the reason that we are convinced that it is so awful is that people don't want kids attempting it. Although the window of error is rather large diaphragms have 6 pregnancies per year with perfect use whereas withdrawel has four pregnancies per year with perfect use. Who knew?
Hormones are still the bestest and I am trying to get myself past the IUD ickies (as that would be the easiest) but the moral of the story is;
Don't sabotage yourself, I panic a lot and withdrawel is more effective as birth control than you thought.
Be safe
Comments:
i don't hate the pill because i have to take it daily. i hate the pill because it is hormone. and depo is a hormone too.
I used to work for Planned Parenthood, and so am almost too familiar with the various types of contraceptives out there -- none of which are great options, which sucks, but until microbicides pass stage IV testing, it's all we have.
I understand that you hate hormonal stuff -- it's why we use condoms all the time, even though we've been together for over 2 years now. But one option that may interest you is the Merina IUD, which is smaller than the copper IUD and has none of the heavy period and cramping side effects. The only drawback is that it does release hormones as well (which is enough to keep me from using it, but I thought you should know about the options).
The IUD (any kind) is also only recommended if you've never had pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) and are 100% sure you're in a monogomous relationship, and both partners have been tested for STIs. Some doctors believe that the tail of the IUD can act like a "wick" for STIs to climb into the uterus, and make you sicker faster if you're exposed. (I'm not trying to say ANYTHING about your current relationship, just wanted to let you know why the IUD is often not recommended for women who aren't married.)
One further thought -- when you're comparing failure rates of diffferent contraception options, make sure to look at "typical use," not "perfect use." "Perfect use" can be simulated in a lab -- hardly representative -- while "typical use" follows hundreds of people actually using the method and tracks how many of them get pregnant.
I'm always happy to talk about birth control -- hell, I'm going to school so I can get paid to talk about sex. :) I think you have my email address if you ever want to talk about this more, or just contact Jesse and he'll forward it to me.
Be well,
Sarah
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I understand that you hate hormonal stuff -- it's why we use condoms all the time, even though we've been together for over 2 years now. But one option that may interest you is the Merina IUD, which is smaller than the copper IUD and has none of the heavy period and cramping side effects. The only drawback is that it does release hormones as well (which is enough to keep me from using it, but I thought you should know about the options).
The IUD (any kind) is also only recommended if you've never had pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) and are 100% sure you're in a monogomous relationship, and both partners have been tested for STIs. Some doctors believe that the tail of the IUD can act like a "wick" for STIs to climb into the uterus, and make you sicker faster if you're exposed. (I'm not trying to say ANYTHING about your current relationship, just wanted to let you know why the IUD is often not recommended for women who aren't married.)
One further thought -- when you're comparing failure rates of diffferent contraception options, make sure to look at "typical use," not "perfect use." "Perfect use" can be simulated in a lab -- hardly representative -- while "typical use" follows hundreds of people actually using the method and tracks how many of them get pregnant.
I'm always happy to talk about birth control -- hell, I'm going to school so I can get paid to talk about sex. :) I think you have my email address if you ever want to talk about this more, or just contact Jesse and he'll forward it to me.
Be well,
Sarah
# posted by 
: 9:25 AM
: 9:25 AM