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Thursday, May 26, 2005

Where are you from?

In about 48 hours I will have no clue how to answer that question, mostly because I already don't know. Cause here is the breakdown; till I was 8 I lived in Queens Village and spent every other weekend in Bushwick Brooklyn (where my mom's mom lived), till I was 17 I lived in Middletown New York, but went to school in Pine Bush, but spent Summers in Loisaida (where my dad's mom and tia lived). Pine Bush to me is a bit different from Middletown, though they are 20 minutes apart you can see where the suburbs end and rural begins. 17-21 I lived in Wellesley, Massachusetts, except when I was living in Cambridge for the Summers (2 summers on Memorial Drive and one in Central Square). Then I spent a year in East Somerville Massachusetts. DEEP BREATH

I moved to Manhattan (lived in the upper west side for 14 months and then to Loisaida for 20 months) but I would go upstate at least every three weekends UNLESS I am taking one of my bi-montly journeys to Tallahassee, Florida.

I can't pick which is home. They have all contributed. I am as much Hudson Valley as I am Loisaida. I loved living in Massachusetts because of how accesible nature was and I have hated how inaccesible nature is from Manhattan and now I go South.

I never ever thought I would move South but I want things that I can't get up North. Not anymore. I am kinda scared I have become a nomad and that in 3-5 years I will be itching to try someplace new. It would be easy to say that I don't know what I am looking for but I am not really looking for anything particular. There is no ONE thing I search for when I move somewhere. Just the experience as a whole.

It's strange to be sad to leave and excited to get there all at once.

Comments:
not strange to be sad and excited. utterly normal, in fact.

we are careful creatures, careful to a fault, about becoming one thing or another...even though the thing we fear becoming is something nature won't allow us to be in the first place.

in other words, if you don't want to be a nomad, you won't be a nomad. punto. but if you are, and that's what you are called to be...well, so be it. you said it yourself. it's all about the experience.

the nice thing is, the dude you're about to experience this phase of your life with (or the rest of it, perhaps?) is a really cool character. this particular experience looks to be some pretty fun shit.

if people ask you where you're from, tell them where you are. the rest sorts itself out, i think.

the people in all those places you mentioned love you madly. which, in the end, is what really matters.

and i love you very much.

rich...who was once a figment of your imagination.
 
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