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Monday, July 11, 2005

Mi abuela

5:47 a.m. I woke up this morning. I woke up at 5:47 a.m. seven years ago-- bolted up in bed and knew that I had to get to New York. However, my abuela had already said goodbye.

Today didn't go as planned. Got lots of work done but didn't get to play tennis like I wanted I need to blow off some steam bad. Had to get John's aunt from the airport unexpectidly. So I was sent into a mad scramble to find white roses for my abuelas altar. There is a shortage of flower shops in Tally but, rather wonderfully, there was one batch of roses in Publix (a grocery store here) and they were white. The altar is beautiful, it has flowers and a blue candle and a white candle and momentos. I am sure she loves it. I really feel her with me.

Last year was awesome though and I love you guys (you know who you are) who celebrated her heavenly birthday with me along the east river.

While I know that death is not an end just a change of energy I still would give the world for one more hug. I still need that goodbye. I just wasn't ready for her to go. Sometimes I am scared I will never let her go and sometimes I realize that that is okay.

"Searching for You" por Claribel Alegria translated by Carolyn Forche

I went out searching for you
crossing valleys
and mountains
ploughing distant seas
asking of the clouds your whereabouts
it was all useless
useless
you were within me.

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