NINA FARINA

sigh

SO I want this wedding. I really really do. I have this vision in my head that I think matches John's vision and I just want to show up on August 19th and have it all be a reality.

But
But

There is the planning.
In the midst of trying to start my own legal research business, attempting to get used to a
new boss AND attempting to get write/publised so I can be a tenured track professor (if I decide that is what I want). Not to mention the constant family crisis that seem to pop up anew each and every month since we got engaged.

There is the guest list.
And I don't want to be overwhelmed by the amount of people at my wedding that I not only don't know but that I don't even care about (and just because I haven't met you doesn't mean I don't give a care about you).

There is the location
I just don't have the time to plan a wedding anywhere but Tallahassee and I am so scared that all the folks that I love won't be able to make it to Tallahassee either because of finance constraints or time constraints.

There is the wedding party thing
I only really ever envisioned my sister and my best friend standing next to me as my
bridesmaids but, but they are in New York so dress shopping for them will be a test of
coordination ability. One of the groomsmen lives in Columbia so he should be able to find a tan linen suit and a guayabera on his own but hopefully the colors won't be too off AND I am feeling pressure to add other bridesmaids and frankly it is not a bad suggestion. There are other folks I am considering but if I add one more I will add five more. I know me and once I step beyond my sisters my wedding is gonna end up looking like a quincenera 11 years late.

And then there is the planning again
Can you pick caterers around the menu you already think you want? And have I mentioned I am not a shopper. The wedding is 6 months and 12 days away and the only dress I have
tried on is the one my future mother in law accidently found on sale and yes it is cute but it is kinda sad that I am considering wearing it is because it means I don't have to shop.

And don't get me started about the money. I don't want to think about the money. Why? Because I don't like asking anyone but my mom for money because when my mom gives me money she doesn't act like it is anything. But it is something. My mom has wanted to go to Hawaii for her fiftieeth birthday forever and guess who turns fifty three weeks after I get married. SO I don't wanna take her Hawaii money. And let's not mention that she is a single mom so I don't even like taking her money (even though I know she can spare some and still go to Hawaii). So I can't really set a budget because I don't like asking people for money and I don't have any so where do I get off having this vision in my head of a wedding that I can't even afford and don't want to plan. I just want a really cool party with all of my best friends to celebrate the fact that I am so in love with someone I am willing to take on the responsibility, and joy, of being married to him for the rest of my life.