Friday, May 28, 2004

The Dilemma of the Saturdays

Last night I was taken to a dope poetry spot in DC. I knew I was going to read but before I got on stage I was handed a business card and on the back this guy had requested that I perform "Saturdays". I informed him "Saturdays" is retired and then went to stage and spun the new hotness.

Yes, new hotness...I wrote a poem ;-)

Here is the issue. People like "Saturdays". I like "Saturdays" and I think it is one of my strongest pieces but and like my butt this is a big BUT I can't perform it anymore. It isn't in me. The subject matter no longer happens. Saturdays truly are over. And I can appreciate the piece and will definatly print it, but to kick it onstage feels like a lie. It no longer warrants a good intro, the typical "this is what a day in my life with my partner is like." Is no longer true. And I can fondly remember the relationship but I can't act like it is still going on. I can't act on stage period. I like to bring it to people raw and honest.

So, what is a girl to do when one of her best pieces expires. I gues I has gots to make some new shit. Wish me luck.

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Tuesday, May 25, 2004

A story

When I was in fourth grade I came in second place in a geography bee. I cannot remember a single question that I got right but I clearly remember the one question I got wrong.

Now, I am better at remembering what I got right and what those I choose to surround myself with have gotten right. However, I still think what we've gotten wrong provides the best lessons.

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Monday, May 24, 2004


If my life is a whirlwind, I am the center of the storm. Calm.

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Friday, May 21, 2004

How hot are you?

DC has been interesting. The one thing I have noticed is that there are a bevy of good looking women in this city. There is just one issue, not many of these good looking women are hot. It just made me realize, again, what I already knew--How hot you are has very little to do with how you look.

I bitch all the time that I want to give young girls in my neighborhood walking lessons. It is much worse here. So many people are just clomping along...not attractive...not attractive at all. They just don't carry themselves well and the facial expressions leave much to be desired.

There is one cool thing though. There are a TON of great asses in DC. Men, women, white, black, latin...nice asses all around. I think it is because so many folks here run. Either way some serious gazing will be done this weekend, once I am away from this desk.

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Thursday, May 20, 2004

I miss you guys so much

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Thursday, May 13, 2004

A Poem

"Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." Song of Songs 8:4

Song of Songs is one of the most amazing and erotic poems ever and it happens to be right in the middle of the old testament. I would highly suggest reading it, it is only about four pages long.

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If you know me you know that I work very hard to keep my life peaceful. I like order, even in my randomness. I may decide at a drop of a hat to blow off everything to go to Coney Island, but it is very important to me that that decision is mine. I work hard to support myself and accept help from very few people. It is just how my life has made me.

Now, I can deal with love, anger, loneliness, giddiness and almost everything in between. BUT because of how I am there is one emotion I cannot deal with. Confusion.

Right now I am utterly confused. So confused that if I was a wall my paint would be peeling off. Flakes of me are drifting in the wind because I don't know what I want and I seriuosly hate that. I thought I knew what I wanted but in this situation, I don't call all the shots. I realize there are very few situations where you do, but I feel we have more control over things than we think. Except this time. This time, I am confused.

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Monday, May 10, 2004


Life has been interesting lately. I went home again, up to Middletown. I am leaving for DC on saturday and wanted to say bye to the siblings. They were in Boston till Sunday afternoon, but I went up on Saturday anyway since it was my best friend's birthday. Her cousin was my high school sweetheart, my first real love.

Now, my baby sister has her first "boyfriend". Hearing her on the phone with him, the excitement when he called and her annoyance at the fact that his family's phone doesn't accept blocked numbers and our number is blocked (I got to be the hero by letting her call him on my cell) it made me so happy just witnessing it.

It is wonderful that I still have my first love in my life though he has changed so drastically. Each time I see him I remember what blind love felt like, when it was never risky because you just believed that everything would work. I don't think we ever love like we loved our first love but it's nice to try.

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Wednesday, May 05, 2004


Haikus have become a sort of coping mechanism for me. I realize they are supposed to be about nature and I take a litttle bit of leeway on that. The law school haikus really did help me pay attention in class. And right now that I am studying but am feeling so much there are a ton of haikus being written (think Sonia Sanchez type haikus). I don't know if I will ever read these publicly, I am a bit embarrassed by some of them. There is one emotion I won't put on stage. Certain things are best kept on paper.

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Okay, things are calming down. I actually got to make myself a full out meal tonight. Lemon/Rosemary chicken, dill potatoes and green beans with garlic. My last exam is tomorrow but I discarded caring yesterday. I have promised myself fun. Lots and lots of fun. Though I have two papers to write before I go to DC I am having fun damn it. I leave on the 15th so make sure you say bye. I will be back on June 20th. That's all folks. Sorry about the scant words, it has all been going in my personal journal. You don't get to know everything. ;-)

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Tuesday, May 04, 2004


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So I am heading into my copyright exam

and you know that scene in Armageddon where they are strapping Owen Wilson's character into the rocket ship and they ask if he is scared
and he keeps swithing percentages "I'm 60% excited 40% scared or maybe it is 40% excited and 60% scared .....but it's a good scared."

Yeah that is what I feel like right now and it doesn't make me feel any better that I am pretty sure Owen Wilson's character ends up dead.

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Monday, May 03, 2004

Check List

Got food--Yes

Anyone wanna be tonight's study break? I only have like an hour to spare and no money but I can hug very well.

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Sunday, May 02, 2004

Lately, Nostalgia has been a big pain in my ass

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Saturday, May 01, 2004

Me and Sleep/ A Public Service Announcement

I have two different types of anemia. This has forced me to always be a very health conscious person and sometimes I realize it is a blessing and a curse at the same time. I have to eat write and make sure I work out and get enough sleep. Unless I get sick (from a virus or bacteria) I stay just fine. If I get sick I normal get a double knock out as my body starts producing more faulty red blood cells than healthy ones (one of my anemias is a hemoglobin deficieny called Thalasemia minor). It makes me very tired. Very very tired. If you have ever had mono I hear it is like that. The best example I can give is that once, walking up a flight of stairs made me so tired I got light headed and had to sit down.

SO When I flake on things cause I have to sleep please please don't get mad at me. People tease me all the time, tell me that I am young and should be able to handle it. This is probably the one thing that makes me feel sorry for myself. And then telling other people just makes them feel sorry for you and I hate that. When I first got to law school I tried to be just like everyone else and ran myself into the ground. I started bruising all over. Spent a few days in bed, and just started over with a more moderate lifestyle.

I am under a lot of stress right now and guess I have pushed my body too hard again cause the last two nights I have really really wanted to go out and I couldn't because my body said, no bitch we're sleeping.

Yesterday I wanted to go to the nuyos open room. I figured If i took a nap from 8:20-9pm I would get refreshed and study until Rich called me to go to the open room around 1:30am. At 8 I sat down to watch part of Tomb Raider and set my alarm clock on my cell phone for 9. I figured if I took the nap on my tiny couch (whicih only seats two) I would be sure to wake up. No, not really, not so much with the waking up. At some point my smart ass body, beat my brain into submission and turned off the alarm on my cell phone (I know this must have happened). When I woke up at ten to the Tomb Raider credits I was utterly confused. My body said sleep sleep. My brain said go wash your dishes. Dishes got washed very slowly. Then I sat down to continue outlining for my copyright exam. I looked at the case in front of me and I swear it felt lke I did not know the language it was written in. I slumped over in my chair. The body had one. I text messaged Rich and by 11 I was back in bed sleeping. I slept soooo deep.

Hopefully I can get some work done.

On a bit of a serious note. Thalasemia minor (aka Cooley's anemia) affects people of African, Mediteranian and Asian decent (though that is a different strain). Women who have Thalasemia minor (sometimes called Thalasemia trait) tend to be affected more than men who just carry the trait. I am sure there are some women who carry the trait and don't know, but since they don't know I have never met them. Men can go their whole lives, be asymptomatic and therefore never find out. This is okay, if you are healthy you don't really need to know you have it UNLESS you want to make babies. Two thalasemia minors can make a baby with Thalasemia Major and that is really really bad. I don't want to get into it, look it up if you want to.

PS People are forever telling me to take iron. My iron deficiency is basically eradicated cause I take care of myself so well. Iron does not help thalasemia since it is genetic.
PPS This is like the birth control post, I don't really want to discuss it in person but put it online just to spread knowledge

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