NINA FARINA

:-)

So, I have been waking up, cooking breakfast for John (normally anyway), watching him go off to work and then I get to read and write the entire day. It is for a research paper for school, but it is a topic I truly believe in. At times I get frustrated because the idea may not ever become a reality, but I still believe in it. At some point I shower, he comes home for lunch and naps, goes back to work, I got for a walk, write some more, get groceries, he comes home and naps again while I cook, we eat dinner, bulshit etc. and I can't help thinking

God I wish this was my life..with all the reading, writing, walking, cooking and talking. it was my life during my year off and it was amazing. I would change a couple of things. Maybe the city, and John' first nap would be when he was waking up to go into his loft to write too, and I would want to teach a few classes or at least go into an office for like 3 hours a day to do law work. Maybe four. Yeah that would be ideal. Writing in morning, lunch, law in afternoon, maybe teach a class on labor/employment law, come home cook etc etc etc

I am happy. He really is gonna have to pack my bags this time and force my ass onto that plane. New York, I love you, just not right now....

Hey Ya'll

Chillin like a villian in Tallahasse
Sorry I haven't been posting
my brain needs a rest
and i have got some personal writing to get
done before the clock strikes midnight
and the compilation must be done

i am wondering if i should push back the
deadline i have set for myself by a month
since law school finals ate a month

there are certain poems that must get written

smile, it's better than the alternative

Faith

My God, is a God of love. More than anything my God wants us to Love one Another. The thing that I despise the most in the world is when people twist the words of God in order to spread hate. So the following is part the code by which I live my life. I stumble, I am human, but I really think that what I am about to cut and paste is the most powerful message that I have known.

Love

1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. I Corinthians 13 (NIV)

Getting Better

You know how when you have run out of time to do things and you are left wondering what were you doing with your time.

This is not one of those moments for me. I know exactly what I was doing with my time-->Poetry, plan and simple.

I kept letting work and school work get a little behind cause I was being a poet. And think about it, even if school is stinky. I had my first feature this term and I got to read two poems on the radio. Granted, it was public radio at midnight....but still. It went exceedingly well.

Now, a normal law student would not have stopped studying to go to a public radion station in the middle of finals. But I ask you, have I ever been normal? Not really.

I suffer from some disorder which causes me to lead two lives under two names and I rather like it. Eventually everything gets done and I get to walk around with a satisfied smile on my face. I am living while I am young.

Take the bull by the horns and all that kinda stuff. I will quote from Analyze this....

"Break out the wine baby, smoke a joint, Do whatever it takes to get off because life is too short, it's just too fucking short."

GRR

I am a little sick of busting my ass, holding down law school and a job and being broke and wearing second hand clothes or clothes people have bought me that don't exactly "fit me". I am supposed to be on vacation and right now I am digesting depositions which is the most boring shit ever in order to pay rent. I feel so disgruntled.

Friday I leave for vacation and all my paper research comes with me. The draw back is that I though FSU law library would be open and it isn't. That means that I don't get to sleep tonight cause I have to get things done for work, so that I can spend most of the day at the law school library tomorrow.

Nina needs a vacation, a real vacation. I have promised myself that in February I am spending a weekend at a yoga retreat. Omming and eatting all natural food and such.

I spent the weekend with my siblings. I swear they keep me going. If it wasn't for them I wouldn't be in law school. I have no clue what I would be doing but I am sure that it would involve a lot less work (and probably a lot less pay). I am gonna quit my bitching.

God has blessed me. Everyday. At least I have a job and a home that I have to hustle for. Sigh :-\

Side note

So verizon seriously pissed me off. However, I was just reminded why i give them my money check it out

The Wall

Last night, I hit it--the wall, the cracking from the stress or maybe not cracking but here it is
I spent the day taking an exam...the whole day...24 hour take home torture
John went to his office Christmas party and after he went to get drinks, an exceedingly normal thing to do
but when I couldn't get a hold of him before I went to bed I just, my mind started racing. In light of recent events it makes sense. I couldn't sleep and when we did finally talk the moment I heard his voice I just started crying uncontrollably. I was just so glad he was alive. I turned in the exam and am supposed to be researching for a paper. It isn't really happening. I am kinda just sitting at the law school listening to Enigma, reading blogs.

I have places I am "supposed" to go tonight. I will probably just go to church and then curl up with my journal and write. Sorry, if your place was one of the places I was "supposed" to go to. I need to let myself finally process everything that has happened the past month. Because it truly feels like EVERYTHING has happened in the past month.

To My Male Friend's In Their Twenties (and everyone else too I guess)

For the second time in around five weeks on of my friend's fiances has died. It doesn't matter how either of them died, what matters is this. They were both men in their early twenties and they died suddenly and unexpectedly.

Please go get a physical. Even if you are fit as a fiddle, they are certain things that have no symptoms and the only time they pop up is when it is too late. I realize physicals are inconvenient but this is not something you are doing for yourself. It is something you are doing for the people that love you. We need you here and when someone dies from something that could have been prevented you are left with a hole in your heart and the knowledge that they could still be with you "if only."

As for my friends who occasionally like to venture on the border of illegal (and sometimes cross over that border). If you are going to do things, make sure you do them with people you trust. Make sure someone around is quasi responsible. Excess is deadly.

When I woke up this morning I was worrying about the most stupid inane things. Today, remember that so much in life that we think is important is really stupid and inane. Tell the people you love that you love them. Make that doctor's appointment for a physical and know that Nina is praying for all of you.

Scratching

Okay, first of all let it be known that Nina considers scratching an art form.
I remember being young and hearing it and loving it as a kid and scratching up records on the Fisher Price record player.
And I just loved Jam Master Jay and the sounds he made.

Then John made me watch Scratch and just put it on the list of reasons why I love him
Cause the sounds that a turntablelist (aka DJs) can make are utterly amazing
Then we went to see Mixmaster Mike and that was so freaking cool my head could have exploded.
So I get a bunch of DJ Qbert and Mixmaster Mike's stuff and I just listen.
Yes there are days when I am sitting in the law school and you would think I am listening to classical music but no
I am listening to people scratching

And it is beautiful.

So, the universe sends me a present. On January 28th DJ Q-bert is gonna be at SOBs. Wanna come?
Maybe I will actually make myself watch Wave Twisters just to build the excitement.
For some reason that video is on the list of things i want to see but haven't actually made myself sat down for yet

Too much happening at once

“I’m off on a rocketship prepared for something new
I’m off on a rok-it-ship ecstatic with the view
I am scared of the things upcoming
And I want for the things I don’t have
Cannot stand to be one of many
I’m not what they are”-- Guster “Rocketship”

There are a billion things going on in my head right now.
First, again I am completely outraged. Outrage as an emotion has been occurring a lot lately. Right now there is this huge scandal in Dallas, Texas. Two years ago the police began busting all these Mexican migrants for allegedly being involved in a cocaine ring. 80 people were sent to jail, all had public defenders. One of the accused uses their child’s college fund to hire a private attorney. Turns out that the evidence that was being used to convict all of these immigrants was chalk dust (as in pool hall chalk dust).

They crack open this vast conspiracy amongst police officers, labs that supposedly tested the drug, find out the certain informants never existed. I could go on but you get it. Remember 80 People Jailed. And then the DOJ drops the ball. Completely. The one cop they had for being involved in this is acquitted. So far, nobody is being made to pay for this. It is a travesty. Go to the NPR webpage to learn more.

Sometimes I just get so disgusted.

Second thing on my mind—Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt. I swear every time I think I have seen how deep denial can run it surprises me again.

Third—I have an exam in a few hours. Tomorrow I begin taking a 24 hour exam. Then I have to begin intensely researching a paper before I leave.

Last-I WANNA GO TO TALLAHASEE SO BAD!! As the janitor in my law school says, “Tallahassee is beautiful, it’s like an Easter Sunday.” And indeed it is, I swear it is.

Amazing (written 12-12-03)

I hope that you have heard about that school in South Carolina that was subject to the highly excessive drug raid that yielded absolutely no drugs. Police officers run into the school with guns drawn, in some cases actually making the children sit on the ground at gun point. They then kick the student’s book bags to the center of the room. Drug sniffing dogs roamed the halls. The principal, who later expressed outrage, was there the whole time barking orders at the students.

Here are some interesting statistics. The school is 80% white. When the drug raid happened 70% of the students were black. How is that? Well, the black children are bused in from integrated neighborhoods and therefore get there early, while the white students are driven or walk and get there later. So, is it coincidence that the raid was scheduled for a time where the majority of the students present would be black? You can guess what I think.

As if it wasn’t bad enough, as these black students were being searched white students were beginning to arrive at school and got to witness the events. I listened (again to NPR) as one of the black students expressed the shame he felt and the kid hadn’t even done anything.

I would love to work on this case. They already have three class action law suits. The school is swearing up and down that they weren’t profiling. The Principal sounds like the King of all Crackers. The list of rights that were violated would take up too much space. Current feelings—outrage.

Umm

So the great TV experiment is causing some very interesting things to happen. All of the effects are heightened by the fact that I still do not have internet access in my apartment. Verizon is climbing towards the top of the shit list at an exponential pace.

What has been happening? I have become a complete an utter NPR addict and I highly recommend this addiction. I forgot how amazingly informative radio is AND you get the benefit of not learning what is happening with Jennifer or Ben or the cast of Friends.

I am wrapped in law school finals, which gives me plenty to do with my time but does not lead to a lot of human interaction. I actually ventured out into the world to buy a sandwich yesterday just so that I could see other human faces. Shortly after I got back from getting the sandwich there was a knock at the door of my apartment. It was one of my grandmother’s friends looking for my tia. After she and I talk she admonished me for opening the door when I didn’t know who it was. I don’t know if there are thieves/robbers/attackers who disguise their voices by making themselves sound like 70 year old Puerto Rican women who don’t speak English. But, if there are, he would have been able to get into my apartment last night.

The amount of work I have to do is staggering and I really haven’t figured out how I am going to be able to handle it all. Couple this with the fact that I received an email from my boss telling me that he wants me to draft an appeal for a case. Sometimes I can’t figure out why the man has so much faith in me. Pray that the appeal is due after January 5th cause I do want to work on it, I just have other priorities.

My life is passing before my eyes in one endless blur of school and work and school. Such is life I guess. I have days here and there where I am going to force myself to stop and take a breath. But today is not one of them.

This Weekend

If you are wondering how Nina spent her first full weekend in her new apartment-- she spent it sick. Very sick, very very friggin sick, sicker than she has been in years. Friday and Saturday found my wrapped in quilts in my bed with a fever coughing up my lungs. I had no TV or Internet but I did have a ton of law books to keep my company. I really think injecting people with the flu while they are going through law school finals could be an effective form of torture.

I thought I would write a bunch but I really couldn't think. I listened to a lot of NPR though. So, other people thought for me. I love NPR.

Dogs

Let us get this out there. I love animals. I really really love animals. In my mother's house we have two cats, a Labrador Retriever and a ferret, periodically there are fish and parakeets. I understand the need to have pets. Pets are wonderful.

Now, I have this minor issue. Pure breed dogs were breed for a purpose. German Shephards were bred to help herd sheep. Labrador Retrievers were bred to help hunt, they are used to running after falling ducks. Rottweilers are also herding dogs. They need to run, they need land....SO, Why the hell are so many of them living in Manhattan?

It is an inherently selfish act to take a dog, a big dog and put him in a small apartment. Even if you walk him, even if you take him for a four mile run every friggin day he is not getting the exercise he needs. While you are at work he is pacing around your apartment in maddening circles wanting to run, to be outside, to live.

I realize that aesthetically big dogs are very beautiful. Labradors, in particular, also happen to be an extremely intelligent breed which makes them great pets. But, not in an apartment. It just isn't fair to the dog. The other day I saw a woman with a St. Bernard. A St. Bernard!! Those things are the size of bears.

There are many medium breeds that work well in apartments. If you are reading this you obviously have internet access, there are a lot of great websites that will tell you what is the best breed of dog for you. If a friend mentions wanting to get a big dog and you know they have a little apartment try to convince them not to. The worse that can happen is that they will just go ahead and get the dog anyway and I will growl at them when they walk past me with their dog ;-)

Whose House ??

Before going any further put on Run-DMC's Chrstimas Time in Hollis Queens--that way you get to listen to the greatest rap group ever AND get in the holidy spirit. It is a beautiful thing.

Run-DMC will never ever be topped. Jam Master Jay was the greatest DJ ever and yes I did cry the day I found out he was shot.

When the song finishes, put on the Tougher than Leather album. If your head doesn't start moving, gouge out your ear drums because you have no clue what music is :-)

The Ads at the top of the page--Why I hate Diamonds

I am pretty sure they base the ads at the top of the page on what words are in the text of our blogs. It made me very happy that for a long time I didn't have a single ad up there. The other day I clicked on my page and there were two ads, one for jewelry and the other for diamonds.

Eegads! Where did they get that idea from? I really normally only wear one piece of jewelry, the Indian ring my abuela gave me. The other thing is that I AM ANTI-DIAMOND.

Completely and utterly ANTI-DIAMOND. Diamonds fund warfare in Africa and seeing as they are a complete luxury item, I don't want one. If I ever do get engaged I really hope it is to someone that is creative enough NOT to get me something that everyone else has. Because if he buys me a diamond then he doesn't know me.

Politically-- Guerilla groups in Africa get control of the diamonds mines and use the money to buy weaponry. The tactics these groups use are very brutal. Amputations are rampant and not just of other soldiers but of children. It is part of psychological warfare. There really is no way to monitor where diamonds come from. There have been attempts to monitor where diamonds come from but they are so small it is just too easy to smuggle them and to lie about where they came from. So I ask you, is your diamond worth a childs arm and leg?

Seriously, think about it. Picture an 8-10 year old child that you love. That you are really fond of. Picture a diamond ring on her/his finger. But, picture her/his arm lying on the ground not attached to her/his body. That is the cost of your little bobble.

Get it, okay. Here is the 2d level for why I am anti-diamond.

As to the engagement aspect--Those things cost too damn much. It is ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. You could buy a house or go around the world for what engagement rings cost. Seeing as I have never left the country--take my ass around the world and get me a cubic zirconia.

Also, I don't understand why women are the only ones who wear engagment rings. Poor guys get gipped. In a cynical light, why should I wear something that shows I am taken without my partner having to wear an equal item. So, if i do get married I will be buying him an engagement ring too. Fair is fair.

You know I may have written about this before and I don't care. It is really important to me.

TV--on a lighter note

The first step toward recovery is admittance--I am addicted to television.
I can blame my addiction on being a latch key child that would get home and put the TV on to have voices in the house. But, I am no longer a child so it is no longer an excuse.

How badly addicted am I? The other day I watched three hours of Law & Order alone. Three hours! And that wasn't the only thing I watched that day. The television is always on in the background.

But guess what, I don't have TV anymore. I have the actually sets, but seeing as I refuse to pay for cable I no longer get a single channel. Either I will go nuts, or I will get a lot more done. Cross your fingers for me.